A letter to our future birth mom...

  

A letter to our future birth mother (aka our angel)

I thought about you today. I found myself in a place I have been several times before feeling the same emotions that seem to wash over me when I am in this place. The baby section at Target. I found myself surrounded by little cardigans and frilly dresses, shirts that said I love mommy and the cutest, tiniest little socks I have ever seen. I have been in this place several times since I found out I cannot get pregnant. Feeling overwhelmed with emotion. My eyes instantly fill up with tears. Normally my thoughts go to that of pity and sadness, thinking of the children I can never conceive. But, today was different. I found myself consumed with thoughts of you. I wondered if you have found yourself in this place before. Consumed by thoughts of sadness and daydreams of the baby growing inside you. As I walk through the aisles, I glance at the people shopping and wonder if they are mothers? Have they ever felt the way that I have? I smile at the little ones in the carts shopping with their moms and long for that feeling. The feeling of being a mommy. I touch my belly and feel such a emptiness. But today, I felt differently. I thought about you and how being in this place must make you feel. Are you overwhelmed and lonely? Are you thinking about the sacrifice you are making for the child growing inside you? Do you touch your belly and feel the same emptiness? In this moment I was so sad for you, but also so incredibly proud of you. I cannot imagine the emotions you are going through and the fact that you are incredibly selfless is amazing and I have such a loving admiration for you. I wish I could comfort you and be there to tell you that we love you already. We may not know each other yet, but the love that I already feel for you is such a big love and growing everyday. I can't wait to meet you and hear all about your life. I can't wait to tell our child (and by our I mean myself, Jason and you) about your bravery and how much love you had and will always have in your heart to make the decision that you did. The decision to put our babies happiness above that of your own. I can only imagine that this is the hardest decision you have ever had to make. And yours was based on love and selflessness. How amazing. How brave. How courageous.

Jason and I have been having a lot of conversations about open adoption lately and what we are comfortable with. It may sound weird to some people, but I can't imagine not having you involved in our child's life. You will always be more than the birth mom. You are the person that will make us parents. That will make us a family. We will love and celebrate you always. I have been reading a lot about open adoption in the past few months and have found some beautiful stories of families who have shared their open adoption experience. It fills my heart with so much love to see these videos and read these stories of people who have what I hope we have someday. We will have such an incredible bond. A bond I cannot even comprehend yet, but often dream about and pray for. I pray for you and send you well wishes all the time. I pray that you are safe. I pray that you are loved and adored. I pray that you find strength through your courage and have someone to lean on. I would love to be that someone for you when we meet.

Speaking of dreams, I have dreamed of being a mother my entire life. I remember being in elementary school and making a list of future baby names. I remember when I thought about what I wanted to do when I grew up, what always popped in my head first was to be a mom. When I found out I could never conceive I was crushed. I can't describe the emotions that I went through. Like I have said before, my heart has always been open to adoption, but selfishly my first thought was, "I will never be a mother." But, I was so wrong. I will be a mother someday and it is all because of you and the love you feel for your unborn child. My wish is that you will always know that you mean the world to our family. You truly are our angel and we will always love you. I feel like I can never say that enough. I have never imagined being able to love someone you don't know, but I do. I love you and our child and dream of the day that we meet. I am sure this will be the hardest time for you and I hope that I can help you get through this. I hope that I can make you feel loved and appreciated.

Until that day, I will continue to pray for you. I will continue to walk through the baby section at stores and think of you and how you are feeling. How you are coping. And dreaming for the day that you know how much you are loved.

I love this poem and hope it brings you some comfort and a smile to your face.

An Openly Adopted Child's Legacy

Once there were two expectant mothers.

One carried and cared for you beneath her beating heart

She became your Birthmother.

The other carried the hope of you within her.

She became your Mom.

As the days passed, and you grew bigger and stronger,

Your Birthmother knew that she could not give you all you needed after your

birth.

Meanwhile, your Mom was ready and waiting for you.

One day your Birthmom and your Mom found each other.

They looked into each other’s eyes and saw a friend.

Your Birthmom saw the life your Mom could give you.

Your Mom saw how much your Birthmom loved and cared for you.

They decided that what you needed was both kinds of love in your life.

So now you have two families,

One by birth, the other by adoption.

And you have a home where you can get:

your questions answered,

your boo boos bandaged,

your heartaches soothed,

And much needed hugs.

And a place where you can find:

answers to your questions,

your image in the mirror,

a part of yourself,

And much needed hugs.

Two different kinds of families

Two different kinds of love

Both a part of you.

-Brenda Romanchik

With more love than I could have imagined,

Brooke 

Educate yourself on infertility! Check out these great resources!:

 http://www.resolve.org/infertility101
http://www.resolve.org/national-infertility-awareness-week/about.html

 

Four Powerful Words

In the theme of the new year and all the blessings we have to look forward to, I have been thinking a lot about my phrase for the year, "live with grace", and wanted to add another piece to that. I have been thinking a lot lately about the power of words and how so many people never hear, "I love you", "you look great today" or other mood inducing kind words. The are 4 words that I love to hear, "I'm proud of you." This is something I want to focus on this year. I want to tell the people in my life how proud I am of them. And not just people who are family or friends. I want to tell the janitor in my building that I am proud of how hard he works. Or the garbage man out working in -5 degrees I think he is doing an awesome job. Weird that a total stranger tells you they are proud of you?! A little. But, I think it could have a serious positive effect on some people. If I could even make one person smile and feel good about themselves then it's pure success! And who knows, maybe someone has had a serious case of the blues and you happen to tell them that day that you are proud of them for a specific thing. Perhaps they have been doubting themselves and thinking they are horrible at their job or a craft they create, and your 4 simple words give them the push and encouragement they need to recognize what they can achieve and that they definitely have something to be proud of!  I know those 4 magic words have a profound effect on me and inspire me. I am lucky because even as a grown woman, my mom always tells me how proud of me she is. And she always has. It has helped me more than she knows.

So I thought I would do this blog entry a bit different. Here is my list (off the top of my head...there are certainly more people in my life I am proud of, but these are fresh on my heart)

• Jason-I am so proud of how hard you work. You are the most loyal person. Loyal to me, your career, and all that know you. I admire that about you. And I am so proud of you for sticking to your workouts. I know it is important to you and just know I am so proud of you.
• Mom-You are the most brave person I know. To see how far you have traveled in your grief journey since loosing dad is so inspiring. I am so proud of your bravery, courage and how you continue to live your life with passion and volunteer to support causes near and dear to your heart. My cup runneth over.
• Doug-I am so proud of you for going back to school. That is not an easy task. You did it and worked hard and what a huge accomplishment. 
• Jeremy-I am so proud of you for serving our country. I am proud to say I am a sister of a soldier. Thank you for protecting us.
• Kim-I am proud of you for putting up with my brother for all of these years. haha but seriously, I am proud of how supportive of a wife you are and how you have sacrificed so much and supported his service to our country. It takes a strong woman to be an Army wife and i am so proud of you for that.
• Rach-I am so proud of you for following your passion and studying to be a personal trainer. That is not an easy task and I am so excited to see what the future holds for your career. 
• Crystal-It is so amazing to have witnessed your journey of becoming a wife and a mother and seeing God's plan for you unfold so beautifully. I am so proud of your strength, love for God and your true love and dedication to your family. I am definitely going to ask you for tips when I become a Momma!
• Lyla Jo-Aunt Cookie is so proud of the sweet, funny, kind, beautiful young lady you are becoming. You are such a gift from God and I am so blessed to know you. 
• Aidan, Malia and Easton-I am beyond proud to be your Aunt! God knew what he was doing when he brought the three of you into my life! Aidan-you are kind, generous and such a blessing. Malia-you are such a unique, creative, beautiful little girl and I am so excited to see you grow and be a part of your life. Easton-you are such a blessing to our family and I cannot wait to see God's plan for your beautiful little life unfold. 
• Jenny (mom)-So proud to see your strength and courage grow. I am excited to see what this year holds for you! 
• Our future birth mother-We are so proud of your strength and selflessness. You are an angel who will make us a family and we are forever grateful and will always celebrate your bravery and courage to make the hardest decision of our lives. We will always tell the child that we all share how proud of you we all are.

In the spirit of this I have been pondering the idea of starting something called the "I'm proud of you project". I am in the beginning thought process with this and would love to hear your thoughts and ideas!

We asked Brason what he was proud of us for and this is what he said:

Have a lovely week!

Love, Brooke