A letter to our future birth mom...

  

A letter to our future birth mother (aka our angel)

I thought about you today. I found myself in a place I have been several times before feeling the same emotions that seem to wash over me when I am in this place. The baby section at Target. I found myself surrounded by little cardigans and frilly dresses, shirts that said I love mommy and the cutest, tiniest little socks I have ever seen. I have been in this place several times since I found out I cannot get pregnant. Feeling overwhelmed with emotion. My eyes instantly fill up with tears. Normally my thoughts go to that of pity and sadness, thinking of the children I can never conceive. But, today was different. I found myself consumed with thoughts of you. I wondered if you have found yourself in this place before. Consumed by thoughts of sadness and daydreams of the baby growing inside you. As I walk through the aisles, I glance at the people shopping and wonder if they are mothers? Have they ever felt the way that I have? I smile at the little ones in the carts shopping with their moms and long for that feeling. The feeling of being a mommy. I touch my belly and feel such a emptiness. But today, I felt differently. I thought about you and how being in this place must make you feel. Are you overwhelmed and lonely? Are you thinking about the sacrifice you are making for the child growing inside you? Do you touch your belly and feel the same emptiness? In this moment I was so sad for you, but also so incredibly proud of you. I cannot imagine the emotions you are going through and the fact that you are incredibly selfless is amazing and I have such a loving admiration for you. I wish I could comfort you and be there to tell you that we love you already. We may not know each other yet, but the love that I already feel for you is such a big love and growing everyday. I can't wait to meet you and hear all about your life. I can't wait to tell our child (and by our I mean myself, Jason and you) about your bravery and how much love you had and will always have in your heart to make the decision that you did. The decision to put our babies happiness above that of your own. I can only imagine that this is the hardest decision you have ever had to make. And yours was based on love and selflessness. How amazing. How brave. How courageous.

Jason and I have been having a lot of conversations about open adoption lately and what we are comfortable with. It may sound weird to some people, but I can't imagine not having you involved in our child's life. You will always be more than the birth mom. You are the person that will make us parents. That will make us a family. We will love and celebrate you always. I have been reading a lot about open adoption in the past few months and have found some beautiful stories of families who have shared their open adoption experience. It fills my heart with so much love to see these videos and read these stories of people who have what I hope we have someday. We will have such an incredible bond. A bond I cannot even comprehend yet, but often dream about and pray for. I pray for you and send you well wishes all the time. I pray that you are safe. I pray that you are loved and adored. I pray that you find strength through your courage and have someone to lean on. I would love to be that someone for you when we meet.

Speaking of dreams, I have dreamed of being a mother my entire life. I remember being in elementary school and making a list of future baby names. I remember when I thought about what I wanted to do when I grew up, what always popped in my head first was to be a mom. When I found out I could never conceive I was crushed. I can't describe the emotions that I went through. Like I have said before, my heart has always been open to adoption, but selfishly my first thought was, "I will never be a mother." But, I was so wrong. I will be a mother someday and it is all because of you and the love you feel for your unborn child. My wish is that you will always know that you mean the world to our family. You truly are our angel and we will always love you. I feel like I can never say that enough. I have never imagined being able to love someone you don't know, but I do. I love you and our child and dream of the day that we meet. I am sure this will be the hardest time for you and I hope that I can help you get through this. I hope that I can make you feel loved and appreciated.

Until that day, I will continue to pray for you. I will continue to walk through the baby section at stores and think of you and how you are feeling. How you are coping. And dreaming for the day that you know how much you are loved.

I love this poem and hope it brings you some comfort and a smile to your face.

An Openly Adopted Child's Legacy

Once there were two expectant mothers.

One carried and cared for you beneath her beating heart

She became your Birthmother.

The other carried the hope of you within her.

She became your Mom.

As the days passed, and you grew bigger and stronger,

Your Birthmother knew that she could not give you all you needed after your

birth.

Meanwhile, your Mom was ready and waiting for you.

One day your Birthmom and your Mom found each other.

They looked into each other’s eyes and saw a friend.

Your Birthmom saw the life your Mom could give you.

Your Mom saw how much your Birthmom loved and cared for you.

They decided that what you needed was both kinds of love in your life.

So now you have two families,

One by birth, the other by adoption.

And you have a home where you can get:

your questions answered,

your boo boos bandaged,

your heartaches soothed,

And much needed hugs.

And a place where you can find:

answers to your questions,

your image in the mirror,

a part of yourself,

And much needed hugs.

Two different kinds of families

Two different kinds of love

Both a part of you.

-Brenda Romanchik

With more love than I could have imagined,

Brooke 

Educate yourself on infertility! Check out these great resources!:

 http://www.resolve.org/infertility101
http://www.resolve.org/national-infertility-awareness-week/about.html