In the spirit of Thanksgiving I find it essential to come clean about something...I have been having a bit of a pity party for myself lately and I am not happy about that. I know I have mentioned before that I have found peace with not being able to get pregnant, but there are times when I feel like I am mourning the children that will never grow inside me. One thing I am sure about though is that adoption is the way that Jason and I will become parents and we will love that baby in ways I can't even comprehend. The love I already feel for the future Glassburn babes is unreal. The love I feel for you, the woman who will make me a mother, is also something I cannot put in words. So from here on out the pity party stops. I do stand by my mantra that "it's okay to not always be okay" and will allow myself moments to be sad, but my focus from here on out is thankfulness and hope for the future. My thankfulness does not end when the month of November ceases and we move into the hustle and bustle of Christmas, but will continue daily. One thing that is on my thankful list daily is you.
On this day of thanks I want to tell you how much I pray for you every night before I go to sleep. I am not the most religious person, but my faith is something that does not waiver. Especially since losing my father almost three years ago. There's a verse from one of my favorite songs, When a Heart Breaks by Ben Rector, that hits so close to home for me. I find myself saying this verse to myself before I go to sleep most nights...
This isn't easy
This isn't clear
And you don't need Jesus
Til you're here
Then confusion and the doubts you had
Up and walk away
They walk away
When a heart breaks
I ask God to keep you safe, to know you are loved and I even ask him to make sure you have food and blankets to keep you warm. Silly, but if you knew my personality, you would know I tend to get a bit silly. And I am perfectly okay with that! I thank God for you every night.
I hope that you are somewhere warm and cozy today surrounded by loved ones and lots of delicious food. I hope you are relaxed, loved and able to enjoy your day and all you have to be thankful for. And if you are not, know that we love you, are thankful for you and I will continue to think of and pray for you everyday.
Not flesh of my flesh, Nor bone of my bone,
But still miraculously my own.
Never forget for a single minute,
You didn't grow under my heart - but in it
But still miraculously my own.
Never forget for a single minute,
You didn't grow under my heart - but in it
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