Our Adoption Journey Soundtrack..Waiting for you...

I LOVE music! I mean, I hear a song, and I am instantly taken back to a certain memory, a smell, a feeling. I think the power music has can be so beautiful!. When my father passed away, music was very therapeutic for me. So, I decided to make a soundtrack for Jason and I to accompany this amazing, roller coaster of a journey that is adoption! It's a doozy of a long list!

If you have Spotify you can find the play list and take a listen here: Adoption Journey...Wating for you

1. Harder Before It Gets Easier-David Wax Museum
2. Fix You-Coldplay
3. Without You-Boyce Avenue
4. Someday-Acoustic Version-Flipsyde
5. Titanium Acoustic Cover-Collin McLoughlin
6. Magic-Coldplay
7. Love-American Authors
8. All About Us-He is We, Owl City
9. Anything Could Happen-Ellie Goulding
10. This Years Love-David Gray
11. Baby-Warpaint
12. I Choose You-Sara Bareilles
13. Let it Be Me-Ray LaMontagne
14. Skinny Love-Birdy
15. Higher Love-James Vincent McMorrow
16. Sacred Heart-The Civil Wars
17. The One You Love-Passenger
18. Nothing Arrived-The Villagers
19. Homecoming-Hannah McPhillimy
20. God Gave Me You-Dave Barnes
21. A Thousand Years-Christina Perry
22. Chasing Cars-Snow Patrol
23. My My Love-Joshua Radin
24. Such Great Heights-Iron & Wine
25. I Won't Give Up-Jason Mraz
26. Across the Universe-Fiona Apple
27. Angel-Jack Johnson
28. The Scientist-Coldplay
29. Ain't Gonna Lose You-Brett Dennen
30. Lucky-Kat Edmondsom
31. Keep Breathing-Ingrid Michaelson
32. Where I Stood-Missy Higgins
33. Hold Onto Hope Love-Amy Stroup
34. The Ladder-Andrew Belle
35. Come Back Home-Matthew Mayfield
36. Pitter-Pat-Erin McCarley
37. Forever Love-Anna Nalick
38. A Change is Gonna Come-Sam Cooke
39. Stand By Me-Annalise Emerick
40. Pieces-Hannah Trigwell
41. Stormy Weather-Etta James
42. Safe and Sound-Julia Sheer
43. Look After You-The Fray
44. Waitin on the Day-John Mayer
45. Two Weeks-Grizzly Bear
46. I Found a Reason-Cat Power
47. Little Hands-Inland Sky
48. Beautiful Day-Joshua Radin
49. Rise Up-Ben Lee
50. Dance with Me-The Sweet Remains
51. Angel-0Ernie Halter
52. Seasons of Love-Vitamin String Quartet
53. I Will Wait-Vitamin String Quartet
54. Best Day of My Life-American Authors
55. The Party-Regina Specktor
56. The Story-Brandi Carlisle
57. A Dream is a Wish your Heart Makes-Disney
58. Once Upon a Dream-Barbra Streisand
59. When You Wish Upon a Star-Louis Armstrong
60. This is Beautiful-Tyrone Wells
61. My Girl-The Temptations
62. A Beautiful Place to Be-Tyrone Wells
63. Turning Page-Sleeping at Last
64. A Kiss to Build a Dream On-Louis Armstrong
65. Sweet Disposition-The Temper Trap
66. Dream a Little Dream of Me-The Mommas & the Poppas
67. You are the Best Thing-Ray LaMontagne
68. Can't Help Falling in Love-Ingrid Michaelson
69. Brave-Sara Bareielles
70. Let It Go-Idina Menzel
71. Broken-Seether, Amy Lee
72. You & Me-Rosie Thomas
73. Love is Waiting-Brooke Fraser
74. Better Together-Jack Johnson
75. While I'm Waiting-John Waller
76. Bless the Broken Road, acoustic, Rascal Flatts
77. Waiting for a Star to Fall-Boy Meets Firl
78. I Will Wait-Mumford & Sons
79. Home-Phillip Phillips
80. Dreaming with a Broken Heart-John Mayer
81. Lego House-Ed Sheeran
82. Drops of Jupiter-Train
83. Somewhere Over the Rainboz-Israel K
84. I'm Yours/Somewhere Over the Rainbow-Straight No Chaser
85. This Beautiful Ache-ernie Halter
86. Blackbird-Ernie Halter
87. In My Place-Ernie Halter
88. Finally Home-MercyMe
89. To Find My Way to You-Bebo Norman
90. Light Up the Sky-The Afters
91. Beautiful One-Jeremy Camp\
92. Walk By Faith-Jeremy Camp
93. Beautiful Things-Gungor
94. Shake It Out, acoustic-Florence & the Machine
95. Find You On My Knees-Kati Jobe
96. I believe-Christina Perri
97. Somebody Loved-The Weepies
98. Dock of the Bay-Otis Redding
99. Forever Young-Rod Stewart
100. I'll Be Seeing You-Billie Holiday
101. At Last-Etta James

I hope you check some of these out and maybe they will help you during your personal journey. Whether that be adoption or another walk of life. We all stumble and fall and sometimes getting up can be oh so hard. But, we can do it. We do it. Time and time again and our strength grows by the second. So, if the lyrics or the melody of a song can help you get up a little faster, smile a little wider or cry when you need the tears the flow, then that is amazing. Music is a gift. So, rip open the package and enjoy some sweet, sweet ear candy! Let the words take you to a beautiful place. A place of healing, strength and serenity.

Lots of love!

Brooke

Life was never the same after March 3, 2011...the day you passed away....

Dad,

It is so hard to believe that it has been 3 years and 1 day since you left this world. So much has changed since then. So much I wish you could have been here for. I never knew what missing someone meant until that day. That day was so hard. But even just saying those words doesn't even amount to the pain we all felt that day. I'm going to tell you about that day. The day my life changed forever.

You didn't call me to wake me up that morning like usual, but I didn't think anything of it. I had spoken to you the evening before and you mentioned a doctors appointment. Nothing out of the ordinary. I think it was a normal check up appointment of sorts. It was a beautiful morning. The sun was brilliantly bright and as I drove to work I remember being in a great mood. The sun was shining, Spring was around the corner and I was listening to music without a care in the world. I was happy. Ready for whatever the day would bring. Or so I thought. I had just pulled into the parking space which was in front of a small pond. I was watching the geese and hoping they stayed away from my car! My phone rang and I assumed it was you so I didn't even look at the screen, I just answered. But, it wasn't you. It was Doug. And what he said when I answered changed everything. You know Doug's nature, calm, protective, incredibly genuine. He has always gone out of his way to take care of me and I can't even imagine how hard it was for him to be the one to call me to tell me you had died in your sleep. But, he would never make mom do that. He is selfless and a protector. I can never forget that phone call even if I wanted to. "Dad died, Brooke. He had a heart attack in his sleep and never woke up." I thought I was going to throw up. But, then I thought, "this is a joke." I JUST talked to him less than 24 hours ago. He sounded fine. He was happy. He was telling me about his day. This seriously has to be a joke. I hung up on Doug and ran into work. Luckily no kids had arrived yet. There was only 1 therapist there. Her name was Cara. She was a sweet, caring mother of 3 and I am thankful it was her who was there. I ran inside, sobbing and collapsed on the ground repeating over and over, "my dads dead, my dads dead." Being so caring and motherly, she laid down beside me and comforted me and prayed over me. So many people showed their love and kindness to me in the days and months following your death. It helped me get through. I ran into the play room and laid down on the trampoline. My head was spinning. The room was spinning. I called Sandra. So lucky to have her as a best friend. I wrote a goodbye letter to you and she read it at your funeral. And don't worry, mom and I made sure they played Dock of the Bay at the funeral. You would have been pleased. Then I called mom. My heart broke twice that day. Once for loosing you and once for mom.

I went back to my house and gathered up some clothes and what not to head to moms. The drive to Fort Wayne took me 4 hours. I had to stop a lot. I stopped to cry. To scream. I even got sick on the side of the road. Ew. Never knew what this kind of pain felt like and the effect it has on a person mentally and physically. The physical aspect was crazy. I couldn't eat or sleep and felt like I was in a constant daze.

I pulled up to the house and saw your car. Saw the American flag blowing in the wind. Everything looked the same. It looked like home. But, it didn't feel like home anymore without you. When I opened the door mom collapsed in my arms. I think she was waiting for me to let it all out. I know mom and I had our share of arguments throughout the years, but in that moment of weakness, I could almost feel us grow closer. You would be so proud of her, dad. She is so strong. Seeing her those first few days after you were gone was the hardest thing I have ever had to watch. She was and still is lost without you. She didn't even know what she liked in her coffee because you always made it for her. You took care of us so well that we were all a bit lost without you. Somehow she found strength and she is such an amazing example and my best friend. You would love how close we are. Don't worry, I will always watch out for her and take care of her. Always.

I struggled. I didn't like life without you. I was your little princess and you were my daddy. And then suddenly you were gone. I was angry. I was confused. I was a bit of every emotion all at the same time and it was hell. I prayed and prayed and prayed for strength. And then along came Jason. Did you have something to do with that?! Mom and I think so! Dad, you would love him and be so proud of the way he loves and takes care of me. You don't have to worry about your little girl.I will never be alone. Jason and I have such a strong love that reminds me of the love you and mom share. He will always take care of me so please know your little girl is loved, safe and taken care of always.

March 3rd is my sad day. It is a reminder of what I lost that day. Instead of just being sad I decided to take that day and honor you. I visit the War Memorial Museum, eat a tenderloin and drink a Killian's, write you a letter and attach it to a balloon and send it to you in Heaven. I also do some random acts of kindness for strangers in your name. By them breakfast or coffee, and leave a little note about how amazing you were and asking them to pay it forward in your honor. It helps me get through the day. Yesterday was the first day it fell on a work day. I almost took a sick day, but knew you would be pissed if I took a sick day in your name! You had the best work ethic ever. I brought in donuts to work and bought people coffee at Starbucks.

If I could tell you anything it would be a simple thank you. Thank you loving me with such intensity and never, ever giving up on me. For always making me feel like a princess. For the huge smile on your face when I walked in the room and the way you always called me Brookie. Thank you for constantly making me feel loved. That is so important and something some people never genuinely feel. From birth until the day you died you loved me like crazy. I also wish I could tell you how proud I am of you. You were such an amazing man. My cup runneth over dad and you are missed more and more everyday. It doesn't really get easier it just gets different. I really missed you at the wedding. You would have looked so handsome walking me down the aisle. Uncle Dave did such a great job. Mom looked beautiful that day.

 I knew it would be so hard to not have you there on that day. Every little girl dreams about her daddy walking down the aisle someday. It was so hard, but I added some happy reminders of you throughout the day. You were with me that day. I know in my heart you were smiling down. I used your old red toolbox for cards. We had a Killians toast and fudge-sicles at the end of the reception. I loved adding some of your favorite things to the wedding. Oh and we referred to the wedding as. "The Best Day Ever". It was truly beautiful. My engagement ring and is made from your wedding band. It is beautiful and so precious to have part of you with me forever. We made a necklace for mom with the other half. She never takes it off!

I am blowing a kiss to heaven right now.

My cup runneth over. Love forever, Brookie 2 Chairs, your little girl forever.

A letter to our future birth mom...

  

A letter to our future birth mother (aka our angel)

I thought about you today. I found myself in a place I have been several times before feeling the same emotions that seem to wash over me when I am in this place. The baby section at Target. I found myself surrounded by little cardigans and frilly dresses, shirts that said I love mommy and the cutest, tiniest little socks I have ever seen. I have been in this place several times since I found out I cannot get pregnant. Feeling overwhelmed with emotion. My eyes instantly fill up with tears. Normally my thoughts go to that of pity and sadness, thinking of the children I can never conceive. But, today was different. I found myself consumed with thoughts of you. I wondered if you have found yourself in this place before. Consumed by thoughts of sadness and daydreams of the baby growing inside you. As I walk through the aisles, I glance at the people shopping and wonder if they are mothers? Have they ever felt the way that I have? I smile at the little ones in the carts shopping with their moms and long for that feeling. The feeling of being a mommy. I touch my belly and feel such a emptiness. But today, I felt differently. I thought about you and how being in this place must make you feel. Are you overwhelmed and lonely? Are you thinking about the sacrifice you are making for the child growing inside you? Do you touch your belly and feel the same emptiness? In this moment I was so sad for you, but also so incredibly proud of you. I cannot imagine the emotions you are going through and the fact that you are incredibly selfless is amazing and I have such a loving admiration for you. I wish I could comfort you and be there to tell you that we love you already. We may not know each other yet, but the love that I already feel for you is such a big love and growing everyday. I can't wait to meet you and hear all about your life. I can't wait to tell our child (and by our I mean myself, Jason and you) about your bravery and how much love you had and will always have in your heart to make the decision that you did. The decision to put our babies happiness above that of your own. I can only imagine that this is the hardest decision you have ever had to make. And yours was based on love and selflessness. How amazing. How brave. How courageous.

Jason and I have been having a lot of conversations about open adoption lately and what we are comfortable with. It may sound weird to some people, but I can't imagine not having you involved in our child's life. You will always be more than the birth mom. You are the person that will make us parents. That will make us a family. We will love and celebrate you always. I have been reading a lot about open adoption in the past few months and have found some beautiful stories of families who have shared their open adoption experience. It fills my heart with so much love to see these videos and read these stories of people who have what I hope we have someday. We will have such an incredible bond. A bond I cannot even comprehend yet, but often dream about and pray for. I pray for you and send you well wishes all the time. I pray that you are safe. I pray that you are loved and adored. I pray that you find strength through your courage and have someone to lean on. I would love to be that someone for you when we meet.

Speaking of dreams, I have dreamed of being a mother my entire life. I remember being in elementary school and making a list of future baby names. I remember when I thought about what I wanted to do when I grew up, what always popped in my head first was to be a mom. When I found out I could never conceive I was crushed. I can't describe the emotions that I went through. Like I have said before, my heart has always been open to adoption, but selfishly my first thought was, "I will never be a mother." But, I was so wrong. I will be a mother someday and it is all because of you and the love you feel for your unborn child. My wish is that you will always know that you mean the world to our family. You truly are our angel and we will always love you. I feel like I can never say that enough. I have never imagined being able to love someone you don't know, but I do. I love you and our child and dream of the day that we meet. I am sure this will be the hardest time for you and I hope that I can help you get through this. I hope that I can make you feel loved and appreciated.

Until that day, I will continue to pray for you. I will continue to walk through the baby section at stores and think of you and how you are feeling. How you are coping. And dreaming for the day that you know how much you are loved.

I love this poem and hope it brings you some comfort and a smile to your face.

An Openly Adopted Child's Legacy

Once there were two expectant mothers.

One carried and cared for you beneath her beating heart

She became your Birthmother.

The other carried the hope of you within her.

She became your Mom.

As the days passed, and you grew bigger and stronger,

Your Birthmother knew that she could not give you all you needed after your

birth.

Meanwhile, your Mom was ready and waiting for you.

One day your Birthmom and your Mom found each other.

They looked into each other’s eyes and saw a friend.

Your Birthmom saw the life your Mom could give you.

Your Mom saw how much your Birthmom loved and cared for you.

They decided that what you needed was both kinds of love in your life.

So now you have two families,

One by birth, the other by adoption.

And you have a home where you can get:

your questions answered,

your boo boos bandaged,

your heartaches soothed,

And much needed hugs.

And a place where you can find:

answers to your questions,

your image in the mirror,

a part of yourself,

And much needed hugs.

Two different kinds of families

Two different kinds of love

Both a part of you.

-Brenda Romanchik

With more love than I could have imagined,

Brooke 

Educate yourself on infertility! Check out these great resources!:

 http://www.resolve.org/infertility101
http://www.resolve.org/national-infertility-awareness-week/about.html

 

Four Powerful Words

In the theme of the new year and all the blessings we have to look forward to, I have been thinking a lot about my phrase for the year, "live with grace", and wanted to add another piece to that. I have been thinking a lot lately about the power of words and how so many people never hear, "I love you", "you look great today" or other mood inducing kind words. The are 4 words that I love to hear, "I'm proud of you." This is something I want to focus on this year. I want to tell the people in my life how proud I am of them. And not just people who are family or friends. I want to tell the janitor in my building that I am proud of how hard he works. Or the garbage man out working in -5 degrees I think he is doing an awesome job. Weird that a total stranger tells you they are proud of you?! A little. But, I think it could have a serious positive effect on some people. If I could even make one person smile and feel good about themselves then it's pure success! And who knows, maybe someone has had a serious case of the blues and you happen to tell them that day that you are proud of them for a specific thing. Perhaps they have been doubting themselves and thinking they are horrible at their job or a craft they create, and your 4 simple words give them the push and encouragement they need to recognize what they can achieve and that they definitely have something to be proud of!  I know those 4 magic words have a profound effect on me and inspire me. I am lucky because even as a grown woman, my mom always tells me how proud of me she is. And she always has. It has helped me more than she knows.

So I thought I would do this blog entry a bit different. Here is my list (off the top of my head...there are certainly more people in my life I am proud of, but these are fresh on my heart)

• Jason-I am so proud of how hard you work. You are the most loyal person. Loyal to me, your career, and all that know you. I admire that about you. And I am so proud of you for sticking to your workouts. I know it is important to you and just know I am so proud of you.
• Mom-You are the most brave person I know. To see how far you have traveled in your grief journey since loosing dad is so inspiring. I am so proud of your bravery, courage and how you continue to live your life with passion and volunteer to support causes near and dear to your heart. My cup runneth over.
• Doug-I am so proud of you for going back to school. That is not an easy task. You did it and worked hard and what a huge accomplishment. 
• Jeremy-I am so proud of you for serving our country. I am proud to say I am a sister of a soldier. Thank you for protecting us.
• Kim-I am proud of you for putting up with my brother for all of these years. haha but seriously, I am proud of how supportive of a wife you are and how you have sacrificed so much and supported his service to our country. It takes a strong woman to be an Army wife and i am so proud of you for that.
• Rach-I am so proud of you for following your passion and studying to be a personal trainer. That is not an easy task and I am so excited to see what the future holds for your career. 
• Crystal-It is so amazing to have witnessed your journey of becoming a wife and a mother and seeing God's plan for you unfold so beautifully. I am so proud of your strength, love for God and your true love and dedication to your family. I am definitely going to ask you for tips when I become a Momma!
• Lyla Jo-Aunt Cookie is so proud of the sweet, funny, kind, beautiful young lady you are becoming. You are such a gift from God and I am so blessed to know you. 
• Aidan, Malia and Easton-I am beyond proud to be your Aunt! God knew what he was doing when he brought the three of you into my life! Aidan-you are kind, generous and such a blessing. Malia-you are such a unique, creative, beautiful little girl and I am so excited to see you grow and be a part of your life. Easton-you are such a blessing to our family and I cannot wait to see God's plan for your beautiful little life unfold. 
• Jenny (mom)-So proud to see your strength and courage grow. I am excited to see what this year holds for you! 
• Our future birth mother-We are so proud of your strength and selflessness. You are an angel who will make us a family and we are forever grateful and will always celebrate your bravery and courage to make the hardest decision of our lives. We will always tell the child that we all share how proud of you we all are.

In the spirit of this I have been pondering the idea of starting something called the "I'm proud of you project". I am in the beginning thought process with this and would love to hear your thoughts and ideas!

We asked Brason what he was proud of us for and this is what he said:

Have a lovely week!

Love, Brooke 

Open heart..open mind..open arms

First of all, to everyone reading who shared my post last week, bless you. I was overwhelmed by the sweet messages I got from friends and also from strangers who have adopted or are looking to adopt and want to share their story with us. That makes my heart so happy. It is amazing to make connections with people who are going through or who have experienced this journey. Also, it helps to talk to people who also have infertility issues and can truly say, I know how you feel.

Last week was full of adoption info for this girl. It was amazing to connect with a social worker who has 6 years of experience with adoption. Also, she is adopted and her 2 children are as well, so it was amazingly enlightening and informative to get her multi-perspective view on adoption. We were able to sit and have coffee and chat and it was great. I am so thankful for the connections I am making and know that everyone who is sharing their stories and offering guidance will help us along this journey!

I also attended an adoption panel that my company put together. It was great to hear stories from people who have adopted and really network and find people to mentor Jason and I as we enter this journey. So, I am going to keep educating myself and networking in each and every way possible to be prepared for this journey, which although beautiful, I am aware there will be bumps, bruises and possible heartache along the way. But, do you know what I say to that?! 2 things actually: 1. BRING IT ON!!!! & 2. CHALLENGE ACCEPTED! #capthat I don't know why I said that and used a hash tag, but I saw it on Twitter once and thought it was cool. How's that working for me?!

On another note, Jason and I decided that we definitely want to end the life of being renters and try to be in a home, our home, when our lease is up in May. We have started the process and it is so exciting! As soon as we are settled in, then we can start the home study and really make the adoption process official! In the meantime, we plan to shop around for adoption agencies. I asked the question, "How do you decide what agency is best for you?", at the adoption panel last week and got the same answer from many who have adopted. They said that you just know and need to follow your gut. That made me hopeful, because the research process can be overwhelming and confusing. So, we will continue to read about local agencies, do our homework, make our list of questions and hopefully find one that is the right fit for us.

How exciting, huh?! Sometimes I just sit and smile and revel in all of my blessings. I think back to almost 3 years ago (cannot believe it has been almost 3 years) since my dad passed away and how far I have come emotionally in dealing with the effects of that loss and moving along in my grief journey. Loosing a parent is so hard and traumatic. I went through a rough patch after that. My dad and I were so close and that loss effected each and every aspect of my life. I am now able to focus on the positive things, for example, our last words to each other were I love you, we spoke on the phone everyday and I had 30 years with the most amazing dad ever. He may be gone, but I have a lifetime of memories that nothing can take away. He would be so proud of me and the decisions I am making. He would love Jason and be so happy that his little girl found someone to share her life with. He would also be the best grandpa EVER. Talk about spoiling! He would be ridiculous! And I would love every single second of it! I know he is smiling down at me and I can't wait to tell future baby Glassburn all about Grandpa Loren. Life is precious, people. My dad went to sleep and never woke up. I have changed my perspective so much because of this. You can never say I love you too many times. Always smile at strangers and be kind. Spend time with the people you care about. Don't hold grudges and learn to forgive. Holding hate in your heart takes up room where there could be precious love. Be grateful. Be graceful. And give lots of hugs. And high-fives. Because the world can always use more high-fives.

Jason and I start our 6 week finance classes this week! Wish us luck! We started a little early by trying to save money in the grocery department. We want to try to cut out eating out and what not. But there is something I don't know if I can give up. Movie theatre popcorn with extra butter. I dream about that delicious goodness. And we received 10 free movie tickets recently so it evens out, right?! I am sure I will be told no in finance class. Bummer. Goodbye, sweet movie theatre buttery popcorn goodness. (Moment of silence while I grieve, please...okay I'm over it!) We signed up for something called emeals, which is an affordable weekly meal planning service.( https://emeals.com/) It is even endorsed by Dave Ramsey, and that is the finance classes we are taking, so we should get the approval. Oh man, I just realized starting that early may make me a bit of a suck up! Oh well, I will deal with it! We signed up for the clean eating meal plan and the lunch meal plan. They email you your menu and a detailed shopping list every Sunday. They also have an iphone app so you can access everything on your phone! Awesome and convenient! So, I changed out of my Sunday sweat pants, had my coupons and weekly adds paired with my new meal plan grocery list and headed to the store! As I was shopping I kept thinking this is a bit much food for 2 Glassburns, but I rolled with it! Turns out I accidentally signed up for family plan and not the plan for 2. Uhhhh, my bad. But, I switched it so we are all set now. I spent about 3 hours prepping meals last night and was able to freeze the extras that I accidentally purchased. So to sum it up, we are on a plan and committed to sticking with it! This is all part of saving for the Glassburn residence and future baby Glassburn! Get excited, ya'll! I know we are!!

I will leave you with these glorious pictures...

My oh so full of healthy deliciousness cart from my first meal plan shopping list yesterday.

Jason's new cool lunch box so he can bring his awesome packed lunch to work and not go to Jimmy John's 3x a week. Sorry for calling you out, J! Love you, babe!

Have a super awesome week! And remember, don't be mean and give lots of hugs.

Brooke

New year, new outlook, lots of love

I hope you had the happiest of happy Holidays! And can you believe it is 2014 already?! Seriously. Where did 2013 go?! Saying goodbye was bitter sweet because it was such an amazing year. I spent the year planning my wedding, aka the Best Day Ever, and in August married my best friend in front of our closest friends and family on a beautiful farm. It was hot. Oh, my goodness it was hot! But beautiful and set the scene for a marriage full of love and detail. Detail in the sense of how much love and time we put into all aspects of our marriage.

The last few months of 2013, as I mentioned in my last post, I had a bit of an extended pity party. I was feeling so sad about not being able to get pregnant and felt sorry for myself. Then I woke up one day, looked in the mirror and shouted (well, not out loud, even though I deserved to be shouted at!) BROOKE ANNE GLASSBURN, GET OVER YOURSELFFFFFF!!!!!!!!!) The many f's signify how much I needed to get over myself! But after that I felt awakened. Awakened to the reminder that life is beautiful and I WILL be a mother someday. I found something on Pinterest the other day that was perfect (Hello, my name is Brooke and I am addicted to Pinterest. Like WHOA!)

I love this saying and need to get it put on a sign and read it every morning! Good thing I have an amazing friend, The Hobby Mommy, who makes the cutest signs and I just may have to have her do this one! Crystal Ward, if you are reading this, have I told you how nice you look lately?!

So, 2014. The year of major life changes. Instead of resolutions, which myself and millions of others are pumped about in January, we join gyms, we go Paleo, then by March we're back to sporting sweats, on the couch with our besties Ben & Jerry. So I wanted to do something different. Something that would help motivate me and stay focused, faithful and positive as Jason and I start our adoption journey. I picked a phrase to live by this year and that phrase is: "to live with grace". Recently, while at the Doctor, I was telling the nurse, whom I love by the way, that I was struggling a bit with my feelings about not being pregnant and getting frustrated when I hear people complain about their pregnancies and so on and so forth. She said something that really stuck with me, "you have to have grace for others and never expect them to know how you feel." I needed to hear that very message on that very day. I want to live a life full of grace and that is why this phrase is so important. I found a prayer that fits perfectly with this phrase:

Prayer to Live With Grace
May we discover through pain and torment,
the strength to live with grace and humor.
May we discover through doubt and anguish,
the strength to live with dignity and holiness.
May we discover through suffering and fear,
the strength to move toward healing.
May it come to pass that we be restored to health and to vigor.
May Life grant us wellness of body, spirit, and mind.
And if this cannot be so, may we find in this transformation and passage
moments of meaning, opportunities for love
and the deep and gracious calm that comes
when we allow ourselves to move on.

That is also something I should frame as a daily reminder!

As a family, Team Glassburn decided to pick a theme for the year. And here it is!:

 

 

We want to start this year on the right path and so far so good! And that path is: The path towards Baby Glassburn! Our first step is finances. We signed up for a 6 week Dave Ramsey course that starts at the end of this month. We are so ready to get finances squared away and start saving for a house and our adoption! We are also meeting with someone next week about buying a house! Big things in store this year for the Glassburns! We may have to give up some fun things for awhile, but I have a strong feeling it will all be worth it.

 

In the meantime, here in Indianapolis we are experiencing Snow-My-Gosh as I like to call it. We had 8-14 inches throughout the area and then it got COLD. And by COLD I don't mean 30. I mean -30 oh my-I-can't-feel-my-face-COLD!!! So during snow-my-gosh I have been spending some time reading while being. I downloaded some adoption books on my Kindle and am reading some amazing info. When it comes to the adoption process, I am in the, have-no-idea-where-or-how to start phase. I just want to soak up as much information as I can. I started to get a little overwhelmed and then I found a blog turned book by a cancer survivor/adoptive mommy. It is hilarious, It's called 99 Problems and a Baby Ain't One: A Memoir about Cancer, Adoption, and My Love for Jay-Z.

 

I haven't gotten to her adoption story yet, but I am sure it will be amazing, informative and hilarious!

Books on books on books! I want to read as many adoption books as I can. There's an episode of How I Met Your Mother (fav show, huge Marshall Eriksen fan) where Lily and Marshall are talking about trying to get pregnant and all Lily talks about is babies this and babies that. It drives her best friend Robin absolutely nuts. I kind of have a feeling this is going to be me, but about adoption of course. So friends and family, this is me apologizing but not apologizing for dropping some serious adoption knowledge on you! In all seriousness, we will be asking for so much support during this journey and to all of you reading, just sharing our story and getting the word out there and even offering any advice you have or experience with adoption, would be amazingly awesome and beyond appreciated!

 

In the midst of sipping my morning chai and cuddling with Brason the cat this morning, I got a work email that made me smile from ear to ear and reminded me that nothing is an accident. Prayers work. There are no such things as random coincidences and God has totally been winking at me (my cool way of saying sending me signs) about adoption in so many ways! I work for an amazing company. A company that values their employees, genuinely cares about their happiness and goes out of its way to show that. There is a group called ExactWin that is a networking group for working moms. To be honest I have never paid attention to the emails from this group, obvi, because I am not a momma. But today, the invite got my attention. Next week the group is hosting an adoption panel lunch. WOW. WOW. WOW. I could not believe: 1. how amazing it is that they are doing this and 2. the timing. I can not wait to attend and learn about so many aspects of adoption that I am clueless about and also to network with others who want to adopt or have adopted and can offer their stories and advice. And then, about an hour later, I received an email from someone whom a friend at work had connected me with. She is a social worker that does adoptions and we are going to meet soon and talk. Wow again. The timing is amazing. Coincidence?! No way. No way at all. God is winking at me like crazy!!!

 

Well, I need to get back to being the world's #1 cat mom and go cuddle with this little kitty/work from home!!

 

Have the best day ever and another theme of this year is: BLOG! BLOG! BLOG!

Happy 2014 from the Glassburn Fam

 

 

 



Thankful for you...

To the birth mother of the future Glassburn babe:

In the spirit of Thanksgiving I find it essential to come clean about something...I have been having a bit of a pity party for myself lately and I am not happy about that. I know I have mentioned before that I have found peace with not being able to get pregnant, but there are times when I feel like I am mourning the children that will never grow inside me. One thing I am sure about though is that adoption is the way that Jason and I will become parents and we will love that baby in ways I can't even comprehend. The love I already feel for the future Glassburn babes is unreal. The love I feel for you, the woman who will make me a mother, is also something I cannot put in words. So from here on out the pity party stops. I do stand by my mantra that "it's okay to not always be okay" and will allow myself moments to be sad, but my focus from here on out is thankfulness and hope for the future. My thankfulness does not end when the month of November ceases and we move into the hustle and bustle of Christmas, but will continue daily. One thing that is on my thankful list daily is you.

On this day of thanks I want to tell you how much I pray for you every night before I go to sleep. I am not the most religious person, but my faith is something that does not waiver. Especially since losing my father almost three years ago. There's a verse from one of my favorite songs, When a Heart Breaks by Ben Rector, that hits so close to home for me. I find myself saying this verse to myself before I go to sleep most nights...

This isn't easy
This isn't clear
And you don't need Jesus
Til you're here
Then confusion and the doubts you had
Up and walk away
They walk away
When a heart breaks

I ask God to keep you safe, to know you are loved and I even ask him to make sure you have food and blankets to keep you warm. Silly, but if you knew my personality, you would know I tend to get a bit silly. And I am perfectly okay with that! I thank God for you every night.

I hope that you are somewhere warm and cozy today surrounded by loved ones and lots of delicious food. I hope you are relaxed, loved and able to enjoy your day and all you have to be thankful for. And if you are not, know that we love you, are thankful for you and I will continue to think of and pray for you everyday.

Not flesh of my flesh, Nor bone of my bone,
But still miraculously my own.
Never forget for a single minute,
You didn't grow under my heart - but in it Author: Fleur Conkling Heylinger