So much love to give...

In the beginning I would get so nervous about whether or not Jason and I would be chosen as adoptive parents when that time comes. Would living in apartment count against us? Do we make enough money? Are we awesome enough? I think we all know the answer to number 3!

Something happened since I have been planning my wedding. This calmness has washed over me in a way I can't explain. I know in my heart that there is a baby out there that God already has picked out for us. I'm not the most religious person. I struggle in my journey with Christ, but one thing I know for sure is that God is good and that he provides. My heart is so open and so full of love to give to a child that I know that will not be denied.

The questions I have been getting from people who know we will be adopting in the future is: what country do you want to adopt from? Do you want a boy or a girl? Our hearts are completely open to any baby. Ideally I would love to follow the birth mom on her pregnancy journey. Not just because I would love to adopt an infant, because I want to be there for her. I want to see her body grow and change and experience those changes with her. I want to tell her everyday how amazing she is for what she is doing for us. I want to know her. Know her stories, good or bad. Talk with her. Be her friend. Because not only will we love her child for the rest of our lives, but we will love her. We may not be part of her journey after the birth, but we will love her forever. I want to be there to comfort her tell her she is beautiful. Because, I think all women should be told they're beautiful all the time and especially when they are pregnant. Now, my wishes may not all come true. I am sure we will be warned about being close with the birth mom and the chances of her changing her mind, but like I said before I know in my heart there is a baby meant to mine and Jason's. And one way or another, be it in a letter or face to face, I will make sure she knows how much she means to us and that she is giving us the greatest gift. I want her to know she will always be loved and that her child will know where he or she came from. I want them to know that their "tummy mommy" loved them very much. I want to celebrate their birthday and their adoption day.

So many things to look forward to in the future, but for now I have a wedding to plan!!

 

Not flesh of my flesh, Nor bone of my bone,
But still miraculously my own.
Never forget for a single minute,
You didn't grow under my heart - but in it Author: Fleur Conkling Heylinger