We love you to the moon and back...

I have been pondering the idea of starting a blog for quite some time. Now this will not be your average, everyday blog. I have decided to start writing journals, letters, daily messages to the birth mother of our future adopted baby.

Now, I don't know when we will adopt (going to start the process a bit after our August wedding), but the love that I already have in my heart for this woman is amazing. It is such a different, overwhelming, emotional love, and because of this and that the journey has already started in my heart, I have decided to write to her. I want her to know us. Know our daily lives. Know the story of how we met and fell in love. Know how thankful I am for her. For her selflessness. For the child that we will unconditionally love until our hearts stop beating and beyond. I also decided to make this public so the people in my life can be part of this journey as well.

I don't normally spill out uber personal details, but with this being such an emotional journey, I decided that this would be therapeutic for me and to help everyone understand our adoption story. In February of 2012 I was told I could never have children. I have a condition called Premature Ovarian Failure (POV). My ovaries do not produce eggs. I took a test that said that I have a less than 1% chance of ever producing one egg. I found this out before I met Jason and about a year after my father had past away. Now, adoption has always been in my heart, but hearing the words, "you can never have children" is devastating. I felt like such a special gift had been taken from me. I would go to the store and see a pregnant woman and cry and touch my belly and feel such an emptiness. I was grieving. Grieving for the children I would never give birth to. I instantly thought that no one would ever want to be with me, because I could not have children.

Then steps in Jason. A gift that I am so grateful for. When I met Jason, I knew he was special. After our second date we both knew we were meant to be. I wanted to tell him in the beginning about not being able to have children, because I felt that he deserved to know. Jason was so accepting of this and even made a joke that getting pregnant isn't cool and adopting is so much better. I cannot put into words how it feels to know that someone loves you so unconditionally and truly that they would accept everything without even doubting it for a moment. My love for him at that moment intensified and I knew I was so incredibly blessed.

I cannot wait to be his wife. It is less than 4 months and I am so ready! (Well, ready in my heart and ready to be his wife, but boy do we have a lot to do for the big day!)

I am so excited about this blog and to have the people I love in my life go on this journey with me.

With love,

Brooke

 

Not flesh of my flesh, Nor bone of my bone,
But still miraculously my own.
Never forget for a single minute,
You didn't grow under my heart - but in it Author: Fleur Conkling Heylinger